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30 August, 2013 Posted by John G. Self Posted in Stories
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Aging: Top 10 Troubling Signs

Posted August 30th, 2013 | Author: John G. Self

THE AIRPORT — As we become “seasoned members of society,” we tend to share with one another the joys – and the frustrations – of growing older.  The amazing thing I have found, is that men will do this with contemporaries who they do not even know.  

iStock_000017620942XSmallThe airport gate lobby is a wonderful place to be if your hobby is to collect these observations about growing old. 

Here are some of my favorites:

  1. If you have a good idea, write it down because chances are that you will forget it inside 3 minutes.  Helpful hint: don’t forget where you put your book of reminders.
  2. You no longer have to take your shoes off for airport screening.
  3. When jogging, and you are passed by some cute twenty-something with a bouncing pigtail, do not try to catch her; you won’t.  Besides, if you do catch up (when she slows down to a walk), you won’t remember why you were trying to catch her in the first place.
  4. If you cannot find your cell phone, ballpoint pen or car keys, start by looking in your hand.
  5. When dressing, always, always remember to check your zipper.  When a TSA officer  calls it to your attention in a crowded airport security line, the laughter and smirks only add to the humiliation.
  6. It is a blow to your pride – and ego – when concerned young women keep stopping to ask if you need help.
  7. Packing in a hurry, a reasonably safe practice for 20 or 30 somethings, can be a risky option for the middle-aged: cuff link shirts are not as impressive without the cuff links; a solid blue suit coat with blue pinstripe pants and mismatched socks is frustrating but one is easier to coverup than the other; you forgot to pack underwear. (See 5 above.)
  8. You begin to think that a fanny pack is an essential travel companion and it really does look OK with your pinstripe suit and your NB walking shoes.
  9. When you fail to realize how long you have been sitting at the stop sign and a passing police officer points out that the signs says “stop” not stay there all day.
  10. Walking endlessly in an airport parking lot pressing the panic button on your car’s key chain in hopes of finding your vehicle, only to remember that you used a car service.

© 2019 John Gregory Self

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